something to savor going into the weekend

"Begin doing what you want to do now. We are not living in eternity. We have only this moment, sparkling like a star in our hand and melting like a snowflake."

~Francis Bacon
 

wise words for the weekend

“The best and safest thing is to keep a balance in your life, acknowledge the great powers around us and in us."

~Euripides

false positive

I had a great weekend. I mean really, really great. We took a little two-day break from the 'burbs and drove a couple hours east to the California desert. I did pretty much everything I love to do: wake up without an alarm clock, read, walk, soak in the sun poolside, dine out, write, and I even snuck in some vintage shopping.

Oh, and NAP...TWO OF THEM. That's almost unheard of in my world.

Come Monday, the new work week began and I was *shockingly* feeling pretty good. I felt rested and my mind was sharp. The pain was much lower than it had been in months, and I was in a downright chipper mood.

And then my gentle hatha yoga class rolled around Monday evening...and I had the worst trouble focusing. My mind was NOT on the mat. My body was NOT cooperating. I mean, I was fidget central. And my breathing. Ugh, it was all irregular and shallow. Before long, I found myself getting aggitated with the woman next to me breathing a thousand times louder than any human being should. Seriously, she was like a sleestack from Land of the Lost. (If I lost you there with that reference, YouTube it. You won't be disappointed in the outstanding campiness of it).  

So now I am once again, slammed back to my new reality. The three day respite was only temporary. I'm still chronically ill with a disease that has no cure.

Looking back, I realize now that the key to this short term "remission" was REST. And a shit ton of it. My body needs, craves - is crying out for - R.E.S.T.

Unfortunately, I don't have the luxury at this time in my life and career to grant that request. The scary thing is, I'm not sure I have the luxury to deny that request either.

 

 

 

 

navigating dark, scary waters

I’m not sure if the confusion and lack of focus I am experiencing is what’s commonly referred to as “fibro fog”, or if I am just still in shock over the diagnosis. I’ve coursed through a wave of emotions in the past week; relief, shame, hope, self-pity, denial, anger, defiance (it literally took me 10 minutes to think of this word – stupid effing fog).

It’s one thing to have your body be a total wreck, but quite another to have your mind so far out in lala land that it’s downright SCARY.

·         What if this doesn’t go away?

·         How can I continue to work?

·         How will I function day-to-day?

·         What the hell is going on?

·         Is there a cure?

·         Is there a cause?

This is a scary, dark place to be. I truly wouldn’t wish this on anyone.